Are your worries connected to self-defeating beliefs?

Are you feeling very worried and fearful? If so, you might be buying into self-defeating beliefs that are really keeping you down. Aaron Beck, PhD, found that most of us tend to belief in at least one (usually more) self defeating beliefs.

Beck identified the ten most common self-defeating beliefs that he urges us to look out for and work to overcome:

1. Emotional perfectionism: I should always feel happy, confident, and in control of my emotions.

2. Performance perfectionism: I must never fail or make a mistake.

3. Perceived perfectionism: People will not love and accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being.

4. Fear of disapproval or criticism: I need everybody’s approval to be worthwhile.

5. Fear of rejection: If I’m not loved, then life is not worth living.

6. Fear of being alone: If I’m alone, then I’m bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled.

7. Fear of failure: My worth and value depend on my achievements (or my intelligence or status or attractiveness).

8. Conflict phobia: People who love each other shouldn’t fight.

9. Emotion Phobia: I should not feel angry, anxious, inadequate, jealous or vulnerable.

10. Entitlement: People should always be the way I expect them to be.

As you review this list, ask yourself, how true is this for me? If you find that it’s hard to let go of some of the ideas above, ask a friend to help you do a reality test: figure out a way to test your belief, look for evidence to support or refute your beliefs, then re-evaluate.