Can my ED lead to other issues.

I am 18 and have been suffering with an eating disorder off and on since the age of 8. Of course i didn’t know that I had an eating disorder until just recently because back then i did not know what an eating disorder was. In this last year it has gotten worse than it has ever been before. For the last eight months I have been so upset and depressed about everything. I cry for no reason, so much that sometimes i have to cut myself just so the pain has an outlet. I don’t usually sleep at night anymore, so i have to take anxiety/sleeping pills. They are organic and non addictive with no sideaffects, so it isn’t as bad as it sounds. Is it possible to develop depression and other mental disorders with an eating disorder

Hi Sweetie. Welcome to Feel Better Network. I’m glad you are here, and I am very proud of you for reaching out. Tell me a bit more; You say you’ve had an ED since age 8 – what led up to this, what were your behaviors, what were your thoughts about food?

You talk about pain…where does the pain come from?

I’m sorry you are suffering so much, and care about what you are going through. It does sound like you are dealing with depression. You mention you are taking anxiety/sleeping pills to sleep …was that something your doctor recommended? What treatments have you tried? Has anything helped?

Tell me the three most important things I should know about you:

I’ll be here.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Well my parents are divorced and when i was 8, my dad was getting remarried. After i was measured by a seamstress for my junior bridesmaid dress i went home and stole “slimming patches” (patches that you wear, like a nicotine patch that make you feel full), from my step mom. I don’t know what made me do it. After that i started exercising and doing 200 sit ups in the morning and 200 hundred at night. I started fasting and drinking nothing but water for two day periods. It went unnoticed.

I was never a chubby kid, but my dad always use to call me “fat ass”. I can’t stand being called fat. When my mom and him were still together he would call her fat too, and my mom is a size 2.

From ages 8-17 i was constantly exercising. If i ate chips or anything bad for me, I would do double the work out i would normally do. A year and a half ago i met my current boyfriend, and returned to eating normally. I didn’t exercise much and i was extremely happy. After six months of dating all of that changed when a 230lbs and a 150lbs girl called me fat. At that time I was 130lbs. These girls were calling me anorexic three weeks prior to them calling me fat and pregnant.

This changed everything. The day they called me fat was the day i started looking at calories. At first i allowed myself 700calories a day and i would exercise nonstop. I tried taking slim quick,flush that fat, one a day weight smart, and the slim quick drink. I am currently on hydroxycut, and have been drinking whey protein shakes. If i drink one in the morning at 6:30am, i usually dont get hungry until about 5 o clock in the afternoon.

I wish i knew where they pain came from. Um.. my “dad” recently decided he was not going to pay for my college this year even though he is literally making over a million dollars a year off his oilfield company. Things are extremely hard because my mom is a single mother and she doesnt have the money to pay for my schooling so i have to pay for it. I work fulltime and i am taking a fulltime massage course through correspondence. I refused to invite my dad to my graduation this past june because of all the pain he has caused us. I had put up with the way my dad treated us for so long because i love my half brother and sister so much and i know i wouldnt get to see them. Because i have chose to cut my father out of my life, I won’t get to see my brother and sister anymore and just thinking about them or seeing pictures of them makes my chest hurt so much and it is instant tears.

I also feel extremely lonely because I have pushed all of my friends away from me. The only person i have is my boyfriend. I spend most of my time in my room alone or with him. A lot of my friends are in university now too and i never hear from them, even one of my bestfriends.

My doctor didn;t recommend the sleeping pills. I do want help and treatment with this depression, but all of the doctors here simply look at you and say “your fine” or they give you a prescription. And I don’t want to take drugs in order to feel happy. I want to be happy on my own.

Honestly i appreciate your post so much. I tried another online counsellor and it has not helped at all because it feels like i am talking to a robot that has absolutly no feelings.

thank u.

Hi Sweetie. You are so welcome. I do care very much. I’m sorry you’ve been hurting so much, and I hope you keep coming back to write more. There is great power in writing and reaching out, so keep doing it. My job is to pay attention to your words and pull out meaning that I see. You’ve written a lot, I hear pain, I hear heart ache, I hear rejection, and hear an urgent need to feel control and feel better. Let’s break this down and get you working to feel better.

Pain and cutting go hand in hand. This sentence stood out to me: “Because i have chose to cut my father out of my life, I won’t get to see my brother and sister anymore and just thinking about them or seeing pictures of them makes my chest hurt so much and it is instant tears.” — Notice the word you chose: “cut my father out of my life.” The pain comes from really wanting him and your siblings in your life, the rejection you have felt, and the feelings of helplessness to make things different.

The word FAT: carries great meaning for you. The first instance was associated with a sense of rejection and criticism from your dad and empathy for your mom. I’d like you to recognize the amount of emotion tied with this word and how little it has to do weight or body image.

Feeling Lonely: Isolation, pushing people away, and needing someone to understand.

I get it, I hear you, and I’ll be here to help you reach happiness, peace, and forgiveness. It will take some time, but you will get there and want you to keep hope right in front you to light your way. You can feel better.

If you create an ideal world, change your relationships as you wish, feel confident and loved, what would your life look like?

Let’s start here, and we’ll keep moving forward.

I’m so proud of you for sharing and reaching out.

Hugs.

Life Coach Nova

My ideal world would be completely opposite from the world I am in now. I would be thin, and eating healthily instead of excessivly exercising and hating myself for eating over 600 calories. My dad would care about my sister and I and he would pay more child support to ensure that we had the very best. My dad would at least help me with college. This way I wouldn’t be working at a horrible job full time and attempting to do well in college full time also. My dad would love me and accept me for who i am instead of divorcing my mom because my sister and i were not boys. He would’nt have forced me to play with hotwheels instead of barbies when i was little.

I would get to see my little brother and sister at least once a week. I would have friends to hang out with instead of spending every night alone in my room. I wouldn’t be so dependant on my boyfriend to come and see me everynight.

The only thing I would keep the same in my life is my current boyfriend.

Hi Lulu. Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you have a nice relationship with your boyfriend. What do you like and appreciate most about him?

You wrote some very strong feelings that have been holding you down:
Hate
Force
Uncared for
Rejection
Dependency
Alone

I understand why you are feeling so heavy, these are very significant feelings. I want you to begin to consider that what is really making you feel “fat” and “heavy” are these emotions, not your body, not calories, not food. You are exercising excessively in an attempt to gain control over your feelings. You are unable to control the actions and behaviors of others that are important to you, but you are able to control the amount of calories that pass your lips. This is about control and battling to feel worthy.

Do you believe you can feel worthy? Can you start to imagine your life if you felt completely worthy, accepted, and loved? It begins lulu within you. You are worth creating a healthy life, you are worth enjoying friendships, you are worth finding peace and contentment.

Tell me, what does your boyfriend appreciate most about you?

What are your three greatest strengths?

Who do you admire most in the world?

Who has supported you the most and what do they do to show you they care?

I’ll be here. I’m very proud of you for reaching out.

Hugs.

Life Coach Nova

My boyfriend told me that he admires my honesty and the way i treat him.

Um my three greatest strengths… I don’t really think i have any besides my stubborness.

I think i admire my mom the most. She is a single mother and she always puts our needs ahead of hers. She is a fighter.

The person who supports me the most is definitely my boyfriend. He treats me great and tells me i am beautiful several times a day, and thats what i need to hear when i am trying to hide my body in an oversized sweater. He does what ever he can to make me feel better about my weight.

I have recently decided that i want to recover from my eating disorder. I am trying to eat healthy. But i am still weighing myself, working out, planning my meals ahead of time, and only eating about 600-800 calories a day. I plan my meals and think i am eating a lot, because i eat every 2-3 hrs. But the foods i am picking are very low calorie. I have lost more weight, but when food is in my stomach, i feel 500lbs. I hate the feeling of being full. It is so much more difficult to recover than i thought it would be.

Hi Lulu. I’m so glad you are reaching out today! I’m proud of you for making a decision to get healthy. It’s important that you recognize food is not entirely the battle. Dealing with the emotions that you have buried is very important to your recovery.

Tell me, when you feel full … what are the words that circulate in your thoughts? Don’t second guess yourself, just write what comes to mind.

After you have done this, identify at least three feelings that are described in your words.

I’ll be here to help you through.

Warmly,

Life Coach Nova

When i feel full, the words i think right away are fat,disgusting,hideous,unworthy,puke,ugly,rolls,depression.

When i look at those words i sound like a 13yr old little girl with self esteem issues. I feel like im not good enough for anyone. I feel like ill never amount to anything. I just hate myself.

Hi Lulu, I’m so glad to hear back from you. The words, “I’m not good enough” I hear all too often from people. You are good enough. God created you just as you should be … perfect. It’s the negative tapes that have been imposed on you that weigh you down. Make a commitment to yourself to speak positively.

Try this exercise: Sit or lay down comfortably. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful surrounding. What place do you imagine?

Breathe in and out deeply, relax all of your muscles, let all your worries drift away.

Focus on your spirit, your center, your energy. What do you see?

If your spirit could say one thing … what would it tell you?

Your spirit, your voice, will only say what’s “true” … what’s beautiful and amazing about you. You were born for greatness, for a purpose, to fully engage in life.

Can you imagine having a self-meaning that says, “I am worthy?”

Start with this, and let me know what surfaces. I’m here for you.

Warmly,

Nova

i tried to relax and go to a peaceful place, and i was in a meadow with a river, and birds, but i was only there for a second, then it went black because i just ate an enormous meal and it is painful to even move so i cant get comfortable. Plus i think i may have ADHD a little, its hard for me to sit still and concentrate on one thing. I might try again tommorow, im just so upset with myself today, i think im going to fast tommorow, im just happier and feel skinnier when im hungry. Its so stupid.

An update on me and my boyfriend: we are trying not to do anything physical because after sex i get so depressed and i cry, even if im the one who initiated it. I want it physically, and im fine throughout, but as soon as i “get there” i become so depressed afterwards. And i have no idea why. Its not him, i love him. It makes him feel terrible. We are just in a slump right now cuz a few days before christmas, my boss kissed me and i let it go a little too far, we didnt have sex, but he did get down my pants but i made him stop because i really really love my boyfriend. And he is having a hard time coping with it.

Hi Lulu. Great to hear from you. I know that Coach Nova will follow up with you, but between now and then, I wonder about your saying you think you might have ADHD…what makes you say so?

Warmly,
Dr. K

I think i have ADHD because i cant listen to a song for more than 30 seconds, i try to focus on homework and i start thinking about everything else going on, and ill get up to work out or something, instead of doing the homework. Homework that should take me 10 minutes takes me 2 hours and thats not an exaggeration. I also try to lay in my bed and concentrate on one or two thoughts and it either goes completely black or i think of a thousand things at once. I can’t sit still and i absolutly cant watch a movie. I get distracted so easily and will zone in and out of conversations, if i read something from a news paper or something, i dont remember what i had just read because i cant focus on what i am reading. I also dont sleep well at all. I fall asleep at nine or ten and i am up at one in the morning.

I just dont know what to do anymore :(

Hi Lulu. Nice to hear back from you. :) Tell me more about this …

Where do your thoughts take you?

What statements run through your mind?

When you wake up at night are you startled?

When do you feel most a peace?

I’ll help you through this …

Warmly,

Nova

Well my thoughts are of my boyfriend, then they will flash to what i need to get done for school, work etc, then about this girl i have a crush on at work, and then to food. All that happens in a time span of 30 seconds. They arent anything significant, just stupid random things that run through my head. When i wake up at night i am extremely startled, my heart races, i shake and try to calm myself enough to sleep, but i never can, and i end up tossing and turning all night.

When i am at piece i am in the local massage clinic doing my practical hours with candles, and peaceful music. I also feel fine when my boyfriend is with me. If he is laying beside me i sleep fine.

Hi Lulu. I am so glad you find peace when you are at work, that is very important. It sounds like when you’re at the massage clinic, you’re focusing on your clients and the work and that you’re not thinking about anything other than the moment, does this sound right?

If so, this might be an important strategy for you to try during the day. When you find your mind racing, you can tell yourself, “Ok, it’s true, I have a lot to do, but what do I need to focus on right now?”

You might also create a daily plan for yourself, where you schedule time for activities and schedule a little bit of worry time (about 20 minutes) in the evening. During the day, the goal is to focus on what you have scheduled and resist worrying until your worry time. During worry time, you can think about whatever you like…

What do you think?

Hi Lulu. I agree with Dr. Kathy about staying in the present and setting aside time to worry. I encourage you to try this approach.

I’m also concerned that your diet may be contributing to your feelings of restlessness at night. Are you getting enough nutrients and fluids during the day? Your caloric intake should never dip below 1500 cal … when you fall below that, your body starts taking from your healthy cells leaving you feeling depleted, and can contribute to feelings of anxiety and affect your concentration. You need fuel.

Make a goal to take care of yourself. You mentioned a couple of posts ago you wanted to be healthy … that’s a really good start. I also see you admire strength and determination. It’s wonderful you look up to your mom and have a supportive boyfriend.

I’d like you to write back with three goals you’d like to focus on for yourself. When you make a commitment, it cements your efforts.

I’d also like you to try using Relaxation Techniques at night. I think it will help, especially when you feel safe and comfortable in a spa setting.

Here’s a simple one to start with:

Relaxation – Relaxing the Mind, Body, and Spirit

20 Minutes to Peace

I teach my clients progressive muscle relaxation in combination with visualization techniques to release tension and stress, calm the mind, and rejuvenate the spirit. Learning relaxation techniques takes practice. In order to achieve deep relaxation, you will need to set aside time to practice these techniques every day for 20 minutes. Yes, you do have 20 minutes just for you! Before you begin, find a song that helps sooth you. Music helps to turn your focus inward, away from impeding thoughts, deadlines, or waiting duties. A few of my favorite songs you can find on iTunes are:

Healing of the Heart by John Grout
Morning Meditation by John Grout
The Magician by Kevin Kendle

Find a comfortable, peaceful place to lay down, or sit with your feet elevated. Tell yourself this is your time, your place of peace – for 20 minutes you will be calm and peaceful. Start at your forehead and focus on your muscles relaxing each group, moving to your eyes, your jaw, your shoulders, all the way to your toes one muscle group at a time. Feel your heartbeat get slower and slower as you breathe freely releasing all the tension.

Visualize the stress melting away, dripping from your finger tips, and pushing out your toes. Think of a calming color and surround yourself with this color. Imagine the temperature of the color. Is it warm or cool, dry or misty? Completely center yourself with thoughts of peace, hope, and safety. Drift there in your place of peace for 20 minutes. When you open your eyes you will feel rested and relaxed.

Once you practice and master relaxation techniques, you can add elements into your daily life to help keep you calm and productive. I almost always have my favorite list “Spirit and Soul” from iTunes playing while I work. Your body and mind have subconscious memory, so if you train yourself to respond in a relaxing way to stimuli, you can trigger that response with “reminders” like music, colors, or scents. This works so well in fact, if I am stuck writing something, or feeling a lack of energy while I work, I notice I forgot my music! I just have to turn my music on, and I am immediately centered and focused. – Something to shoot for with practice!

Give these techniques a try and see how they can help you feel better.

Peace,

Life Coach Nova

I have been having a headache for threee months, and i am in massage school part time which requires me to work at a massage clinic a couple days a week. This is the only time my headaches go away so i told my doctor this and he gave me blood tests and i get the results back soon. My anxiety has been so bad that when friends that went away to university come home to visit i make up excuses not to see them, if i have to go out my heart races and i cant go out. The only person im comfortable around is my boyfriend. I talked to my doctor and he gave me xanax and told me to only take it when i am going to a function or going out. Ive just been taking half of one pill when i need it because ive heard so many bad things about xanax and i dont ever wanna be a junky. But it really helps me.

On a side note things with my boyfriend are going great, i finally gave in and told him im bisexual. It was extremely hard because i didnt know how he was going to react, but he thinks its cute. Ive had this crush on a girl i work with for the longest time and my boyfriend knows. Im 19 and he is 20, we do see marriage in the future, but he wants me to explore the other side with girls before we get married. In fact he text the girl i really like and told her that i really really like her and that he just wants to see me happy. She said she thinks im really cute and that she likes me back. And i wanna tell someone but of course u cant even trust ur bestfriend and i dont know if im ok with ppl knowing that im bi. I wish i could be comfortable with it like the girl i really like is:(