Help me

Hi. My name is Sonam. I am a student living in a happy Punjabi family and I get all the love I want from my family. My mom, dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, nephew, nieces and grandparents love me so much. I tell my parents everything which is going through my life. Because of their love for me, I had never had a boyfriend in my life. I felt like it was not necessary. But sometimes, I have thought to have someone in my life. I have feelings of wanting a special person to spend my whole life with.

And due to that feeling, a few months ago I met a guy on the net. I started liking him. I was not sure whether I love him or not. I bought a separate number and started talking with him on the phone. Being a good daughter, I thought of telling my parents about him. And when I told them, they got scared and advised me to leave him. They were very disappointed in me. They told me all kinds of things and eventually I stopped contacting him. Even he did not bother to try contacting me. So I guess my parents were right that he was not the right person.

There were a few reasons they wanted me to leave him. First thing is that he is from India and they think he wanted me so that he could leave India and come here through me. Another reason is that he is a Hindu. One more thing was that they were afraid that I could go in the wrong side.

After the incident, I told my parents that I would never go into such a relationship. I even promised not to do things behind their back. They want me to tell them all my feelings and everything I do. They want me to tell them everything. I had never done anything without letting them know first. I felt they were open minded. But after telling them about the guy I liked, I don’t think I would want to tell them anything. But the other side of me feels guilty doing so.

Now that I am back in my college, I do chat with people online. And this time, I met someone again. and again, he is a Hindu guy. I am confused. I really don’t know what I shall do. I feel afraid of so many things; my family, my future and other people’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt the guy too because he said that he likes me and loves me. Because of me being afraid, I never told him about my feelings. I am really afraid. I can’t tell anyone about this.

Can you please help me or give me some advice on what shall I do. I don’t want to do something stupid. I don’t want to hurt my family but I want a special person in my life. I can’t think of what to do. My studies are going well because I can manage to balance all these now. But I feel the guilt. I feel wrong. And sometimes I feel that I am crazy. Please help me on this.