The 12 Steps modified for our times

I have provided a copy of the traditional 12 steps used in most 12 step recovery programs.

Keeping in mind that the original was written in the late 1930’s.

I have modified them slightly to better fit into our modern times.

I hope those who notice the changes realize I am simply trying to make them more useful for everyone in today’s world.

I hope many of you will feel free to post questions and comments relating to these steps here.
Thank you
CoachJohn

THE TWELVE STEPS
1. admitted we were powerless over Addiction of any kind (and the Insanity the Addiction causes)- “fill in the blank?
Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Over Eating, Co-Dependence, etc. ” – and admitted that our lives had become unmanageable because of it.

2. Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power – as we understood it.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have our Higher Power remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, praying only for knowledge of our Higher Powers will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening, as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Coach John, this is great….how does someone get started in using the 12 steps?

Dear Kathy
That’s a good and difficult question to answer, but I will try and give a brief explanation, answer and examples.
They say that the 12 step program is simple, but not easy.

24 years ago my alcoholism ruined my life.
Technically, alcoholism had effected my life negatively since the day I was born into an alcoholic family.
I came from a family of full blown alcoholics.

I was actually the first person, in my mostly alcoholic family, to stay sober for any amount of time.

As a result of my getting help, my mother and sister soon followed my lead and stopped also.
We have all been sober ever since.

Unfortunately my father died of alcoholism when he was 41,
because he had been unwilling to seek treatment.

That said, Dr Kathy, let’s take your question.
“Coach John, this is great….how does someone get started in using the 12 steps?”

Step 1. “We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – “fill in the blank?” – admitted that our lives had become unmanageable because of it.”

Step 1. is the single most important aspect of dealing with any addiction.

If you can not or will not completely give yourself over to this idea on a daily basis, you will most likely slip back into your addiction. I use the term addiction to mean anything you can become addicted to.
even sex, gambling, codependance, etc.

In my case, I would not have tried to get help if i had not completely hit bottom and realized that I could not stay sober on my own will power alone.

{The reason this works is because we have to overcome our ego’s obsessive need to try and control or deny the addiction in our lives.}

An addict of any kind must realize that they are personally powerless over their addiction, before they will surrender and seek outside help.

It is like knowing you have a brain tumor and admitting you can’t treat it by yourself.

This applies to any addiction including Drugs, Alcohol, Food, OCD, or even people, places and things.

Even in Alanon, where initially we may go to alanon to fix the other addicts in our lives, we soon find that it is ourselves and our responses we need to deal with, because we are really the one with the problem. No one can fix anyone else in recovery. It’s a personal journey.

So the first step is to realize that we have a problem we can’t deal with by ourselves. Only then can we begin to find the help that may save us from a life enslaved to our addictions.

I good example is even if we don’t consciously admit we have a problem, but we seek help from another source like AA or the feelbetternetwork or a power greater than oursleves, we are literally admitting we have a problem we can’t deal with alone, and that we have come to a place in our lives where we are willing to reach out and ask others for help.

That action – of seeking help from a higher power other than ourselves – is the basis for the first three steps.

1. Admitting we have a problem we can’t deal with alone.
2. Hoping and trusting a power greater than ourselves can help us.
3. Turning our will, ego, and problem over to a higher power that can understand our problem better than we can.

And I am not talking about blind faith, I am talking about – after we have given up trying unsuccessfully to control our addiction – looking to outside sources with a better track record in helping others successfully overcoming addictions like ours.

I hope this helps makes the first step clearer.
I’ll address the other steps as we progress in time and hopefully others will ask more questions too.

Thank you
CoachJohn

Hi Coach John. Do you know if anyone has applied the 12 steps to relationships? It seems like so many would apply. For example, the serenity prayer (in which we talk about just working to change what you can and accepting what you can’t), would apply to couples and it makes me think that each partner in a couple should focus on changing themselves, not changing their partner. What do you think?

Dear DrKathy
That’s a great observation.
The problems in most relationships are when each person wants the other person to change somehow instead of looking at ways they might be able to simply accept their differences. Unless the problem is serious and the other person does really need to change something seriously affecting the relationship.

Thanks
Coachjohn