Boyfriend issues

So Ive been in this relationship for almost 5 years now. Noone obviously knows me than he does. But lately ive felt strangely disocnnected from him almost distant. Ive started becoming irritable towards him and shot at him for almost anything. I dont knw whats going on. Theres noone else and I love only him. I’m confused and it’s causing such a strain on us since we’re always fighting cos of my moodiness. today he just called and said if i don’t fix myself up he can’t do ths.

Hi Ramzz. Thanks for your note. I think we need to start here: you said, “But lately ive felt strangely disocnnected from him almost distant.” Tell me more about this, what are you feeling? Can you say anything about why you feel disocnnected?

My hunch is that you might be pushing him or picking fights because you feel disconnected. Sometimes we push people to respond to us in any way possible, because we figure an angry response is better than no response….and if he responds, at least he still cares!

But this is not the best technique. Better to think about what you really are longing for and ask for this. So tell me, what do you really wish he would do or say?

Big hugs to you…

Dr Kathy