Letting Go!

How do I let go as she leaves for Vegas while I stay home with the kids. How do I stop dwelling on what is happening and focusing on something positive. I was able to go out for the first time this week as she had volunteered to watch the kids. But the whole time I was out all I could think about was her and what she was doing without me. How is it that I can’t function without her, but she can function without me? How is it that she is able to be away from her kids so much and not want to just die inside?

Confused Still

Hi there. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain and I am so sorry that you’re feeling so down. I can understand why you’re hurt and confused. It sounds like there is a lot going on right now and I am glad you turned to us for help.

You asked some very important questions about letting go and staying positive.

Right now, it might not be possible to completely let go. It sounds like you’re in the middle of a complicated situation and while you’re in the middle and deciding what to do next, there are some specific steps you can take to cope:

1. Stay busy – keep yourself occupied with as many other things and thoughts as possible.

2. Reach out to family and friends – call and email those who love you and lean on them for support.

3. Focus on the things that make you feel good – if you feel you’re your best you when your with your kids, playing golf, or working, spend more time doing those things.

4. Reassure yourself – things will get better soon, once you have decided on a direction, you will feel more in control.

5. Exercise, keep moving, and limit the negative thinking that you’re doing.

I hope these tips will help you get through this rough spot. The other questions you’re asking are very good and important, but unfortunately, unknowable. We can’t know exactly why anyone does something without them telling us. My only hope is that she is thinking about how to work through this situation too and is being heavily influenced by the relationship she has with you and your kids.

Warmly,
Dr. Kathy

It’s like I had an ephiphany the other day…as far as letting go. I have figured I have lost my partner as far as us both working to put things back together. I realize I want so much to be happy again and not so sad and not dwell on everything negative. I know that I am sad about the situation and sometimes I find myself thinking that he is just having an ok with everything…but I must admit that is not always the case. Now that I have found my direction..being happy and actually right now I am, how can I keep the thoughts that I am the only one suffering, how do I keep my mind focused on the postive aspects of my life so I dont dwell on the parts that were and sometimes are so bad?

Hi there. Great question! To stay positive, I recommend creating a “smile file.”

To start a smile file, gather up all of the thank you notes, acknowledgment cards, love letters, and drawings from your kids that you have tucked in your desk and closets. Collect the snapshots taken during some of your favorite moments – throw in the sticker or silly button you wore on your last birthday. In a folder, put together anything and everything that makes you smile and reminds you of how much you are loved. Anytime you’re down, open this smile file, and you are guaranteed to feel better.

This is a great thing to do when you feel down and another thing that will help is to journal. Journaling can be very simple – you just need to sit down and write down how you’re feeling. In fact, we have a great tool here on FBN for journaling: http://www.feelbetternetwork.com/users/userjour…

Give these ideas a shot and let me know how they work for you. Thanks for your question and I look forward to taking with you again soon.

Warmly,
Dr. Kathy

I can so see how that can help me remain positive. Might actually help me get motivated to relive some of those moments and create new snapshots or remind myself that I do matter even when I feel that I don’t. Thank you so much for the suggestions, I am going to put them to use.

Great! I look forward to hearing how these tips work for you. Keep us posted!

Warmly,
Dr. Kathy