????????/

well i had finally had a real boyfriend last year then things got crazzy
i mean he was a good guy and fun to be around and he taught me a lot of things but then he left me for someother chick and i felt really hurt. but we ontinued to be friends, then he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but i couldnt do it anymore,yea i did kinda loved him i guess but im only 15 i dont know what love is. and as a child i hae been touched by soo many guys its ashame so when we first started goin out i told him that i had trust issues. but i never got a chance to tell him..
but after e told me he loved me i couldnt trust him and i wanted nothing to do with him..so we havent talk since then, like he would try and talk to me but i will just ignore him because i felt hurt and confused..now i am in tenth grade and i see him around alot of girls and its tearing me apart because deep down inside i still have feelings for him. and i keep cryin because i dont know what to do..so can you help me.

Hi ShayBoo. Thanks for sharing this. I am really sorry that he hurt you so much. It’s so tough…loving someone means being vulnerable to them and sometimes, we get hurt. For some of us, that hurt lasts a long time.

You mentioned you still have feelings for him. What are you feeling and what do you wish you could do?

Hugs,
Dr. Kathy

umm i feel like a big part of me havent havent let go of the past, i want to get over him but its hard. i feel like i like him alot that its breaking me.
i feel sad when all of my friends mentions his name. last year i acted very stupid, i didnt act like myself. i tried to be something i wasnt, i started tlkin to alot of boys to get over him and i almost lost my V. to a guy i didnt really know to stop myself from thinking bout him.this year is when i began to act like myself i stoped tlking to boys and stopped wearing makeup so ppl wouldnt notice me. i am a quiet and sensitive girl.i want to be able to talk to him and tell him how i feel, but im so scared. i want to be able to get over him and my past.

Hi Shay. Ok, so you said a couple things that I think are really important…

First, you said that before you weren’t acting like yourself and now you are. That is really good, I hope that you always act like yourself and that you act in ways that make you feel good about yourself and proud of your choices. Are you worried about the way you are acting now? If so, tell me more….

Second, you said that you don’t want people to notice you. How come honey? Tell me about this….

Last, you said you really want to be able to talk to him and tell him how you feel. So, tell me a bit more, if you weren’t afraid of how he would react, what would you really like to let him know?

umm no i am not worried about the way i am acting now, i feel like i am becoming a better person inside and out. i mean i dont want guys to notice me because when i walk down the street a older guy would try and touch me. like older boys would try and touch me on my butt and sometimes my chess. and i dont really have a voice to say stop because when i was younger i went through a lot of things involving men. there was a day when i woke up to a gun in my face and that was when i was 4. it follows me my past.so when a guy touches me a get flash backs and i start to panic. If i was able to tell him how i feel i would tell him how much i miss him, how not talking to him hurts me, i would also tell him im sorry for treating him the way i did and much more.

Hi Shay. Oh wow, you have been through a lot. I am so sorry that at your young age, you’ve had to experience so much. But, they say everything we do through makes us who we are and you seem great, so there is some bright side to all of this.

Have you ever talked to anyone about your past and what happened when you were 4? I think that would be really important to share with a trusted adult, like a school counselor, family friend, or someone from your church. Is there someone in your life that you could talk to about that?

Now, on to your request, you said you wished that you could talk to your ex about what happened and what you feel. So what thoughts do you have about how you could tell him? Are there aspects to talking to him that you worry about?

yea i been through alot. yea i agree and i think i am getting much stronger.yea only to one of my closest friend because she went through the same thing. i can talk to my mom but i dont know how to start the convo off.well i am movin next month and i am going to another school, so i think i should talk to him let all of my feelings out, tell him things that i wasnt able to tell him a while ago. i am not asking or trying to make him be with me again, i just want to start off fresh and start to let go of my past piece by piece. i feel as though if i talk to him about it and stop keeping it all bottled in that it will help me. it will help me to be able to forgive, forget,and let go.i just worry that he wouldnt care but it shouldnt matter if he care.should it? and i worry that he wont stop a minute of his life to listen to what i have to say.

Hi Shay. I’m glad you are with us. I’m so sorry for the hurt you’ve been through.

I want to encourage you to find your voice. You’ve learned to be silent, and that covers up your spirit. There is strength in expressing yourself.

What do you need to be able to say “stop” or “no” when you feel uncomfortable? Can you imagine doing that?

It’s understandable after being through something traumatic for you to react like this, but we don’t you developing a pattern of wanting to disappear … we want your spirit to shine through.

In regards to your ex, sometimes a person or past relationship can represent what we would like to have in our life presently. I’m hearing that you’d like to feel important, cared for, appreciated, and be able to express yourself freely. Is that right? What do you think of that idea?

With Care,

Nova

hi Nova. i dont know why i stay quiet about things, i think because i am scared.i hope you can help me find my voice. yea i believe there is strenghth in expressing myself. its like i can say no to certain ppl but the ones i get a bad feeling about i cant say no or stop. i thing i can be able to do that but to me its hard.i feel like its hard for me personally to get over my ex but i keep holding on to lost memories. i dont know what to do

Hello shayboo009
try practicing it Shay.
Take some time each day and spend awhile being aware and practice doing it.
Most things in life take practice to get better at.
Think of someone you know who can do it well and realize they we’re born that way, they had to gradually work on getting better at it.
So can you :)
Thanks
Coachjohn

Hi Shay. Don’t worry about “why” you have not spoken up. Just focus on creating the strength to speak up now. It’s understandable hearing what you have been through to become silent. When you remain silent, all the anger turns inward, and then you sink into depression. It’s unfortunate that you may find yourself in this place, as do many others who are reading this. But, the best thing you can do for yourself is free yourself from the weight of all the hurt.

Start today by deciding to speak up about your needs and your feelings. You can do that.

Start today by deciding you deserve the best. You deserve to be treated like a gem. You can do that.

Start today by cherishing all the wonderful qualities you have … you can do that.

And keep sharing, it will get easier, and we are here to listen.

Warmly,

Nova

Hi, Shay,

we are so pleased that you can open up to us and share your feelings. We hop etha makes you feel better to know that there is a group of people out her who care about you and want you to feel better.

On way you might try practicing sharing your feelings is to journal. Consider taking some time eah day to write down what you are feeling and how that makes you feel. This is for you only; you don’t need to share it with anyone, but the idea is for you to become more aware of your feelings and find a constructive way to share these feelings.

Another thought for you is to write a note to your former boyfrined. You could write something like,

Dear XXX,
I’m sure you wonder why I have acted so strangely toward you these last few months. I just want you to know it was not something you did. Instead, I am just learning to face a lot of my own feelings and did not know how to share or express them with you. Out of fear, I pulled away.

Thank you for having been a good friend to me and I hope one day, after I have sorted things out, that we will be able to reconnect.

Hope these ideas help.

Coach Edie

ok i am gunna practice speaking up.and i am going to try and stop worry about the past and focuse on the future. but i know its goin to be hard…very hard.but i am willing to try. yeah maybe i should try writting in a journal about my feelings. will i be able to do tha each day? will it be easy? would my feelings change? i dont really have the strenghth to tell my boyfriend about it, because i dont know what he will say or think..

ugh im feelling very sad.. :(

Hi Shay. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down…what do you think your friends, family, or boyfriend would say if you let them in on how you’re feeling?