Do I have an Eating Disorder?

Hi Meagan. That sounds like a very good plan: eating some healthy egg whites and brown rice will give you some protein and carbs. That will give you energy to get through the day. I think it’s fine to look through old pictures and find ones that help you feel good about yourself. I’d like you to find one from a time when you felt really good, really happy, and secure – do you have one like that? If so, describe it to me and tell me about your memories from that time. :)

Hugs,
Dr. Kathy

I have this one picture from 7th grade..and I was with two of my friends we were really happy that we had just made the cheerleading squad and we had worked so hard for it. I miss being that young and not having a care in the world..I wish I still felt that way when I could care less about my weight..but at the same time I know cheerleading was one of the reasons I decided I needed to lose the weight. It’s really hard for me to look at old pictures of myself and friends its to emotional…I can’t stand the way I looked..but I really wish I could sit down and look without worrying about what I looked like so I can see the true meaning of the pics and what was going on..I know this sounds stupid but when I look at those pics I think..How could anyone want to talk to someone who looked like that…they must have just been acting nice..I think they were probably disgusted with talking to me.

Megan

Hi Megan. What you are describing about looking at current photos of yourself is actually a tool to help you see yourself more clearly. It’s really good to identify what helps you and do it more. So, the photo that helped you realize “I don’t have to do this anymore” – add this one to your tools. ED can distort your body image. It’s so tricky! You are not alone with this observation. A person can look in the mirror and only see one version of themselves, and the voice of ED plays tricks like:…you need to work on this part of your body, or you are not thin enough. Looking at current photos can help you see yourself more realistically as you heal your spirit. When you reach a place of inner-strength and self-love – when you look in the mirror you will see MEGAN. :) The distortion will be gone along with the voice of ED. You will feel free, worthy, and confident.

Teens are especially vulnerable to the “worry” you are describing about judgment, pressure, and acceptance. As you build your identity, your physical self takes first notice. That’s one reason why teens are more likely to experiment with styles of dress, hair styles, etc. They are exploring who they are trying on different styles. As you solidify who you are, you start to define yourself from within. Some people reach a place of self-acceptance, some people strive their whole lives to find it.

Focusing on all the elements of what defines you will help you embrace a sense of worth.

If you think of the elements of your being like a pyramid: Physical, Emotional/Intellectual, and Spiritual elements are represented by each point on the three dimensional pyramid. When one corner is not fully attended to, what would happen to the pyramid? It would collapse, leading to a flat existence. Attending to each corner; each aspect of your being, will allow you to feel strong, balanced, and create a strong sense of who you are.

Winning the battle of eating disorders is really about creating a strong, solid, and confident pyramid: Expressing your spirit, Nurturing your Body, and creating Balance and Well-being. Each part of the pyramid is equally important.

Writing poetry is a wonderful way to express your spirit and create balance and well-being. Keep writing.

Nurturing yourself by making sure to give your body what it needs nutritionally. Also, take time to relax, cherish yourself.

Defining your goals in life will fill up each corner. You had written about being a doctor, what else do you see in your future?

Thinking about this pyramid, what is one strength you have in each corner already?

What could you do to strengthen each corner?

Today is your day. You are in control.

With Great Care,

Life Coach Nova

Thanks, I feel like you really understand what I am talking about..There is something else I was wandering I am trying so very hard to get better..and I tell Marcy the lady thats like my mother that I am…But I just feel so bad all the time because shes always saying..Shes proud of me ..but she still worries…and I wish she wouldnt worry about me when she has her own llife to focus on..I feel very greatful to have someone who cares..but still how can I get her to not worry so much? I know it must be hard for her to believe I am trying to get better..only because she has went through this and got very very sick..why she lied to people the whole time saying she was getting better. I just wish I knew a way to show her that she doesn’t need to worry anymore

Hi Megan. :) Yes, I do understand. You can show her by taking care of yourself. It is wonderful, and fortunate you have a mentor that listens to you, offers advice and is there to support you. I am sure by helping you, by being there for you, she is solidifying her own journey to health. She understands what you are going through and also has experienced the pain on the other side of ED. Anyone who has successful put ED behind them can also relate to the unbounded freedom without ED. Sometimes, we have to walk beside those we know are suffering on their path, knowing there will be these road signs along the way that might catch your attention – FREEDOM – SELF-ACCEPTANCE – HAPPINESS – and they will all lead you to a path away from ED and to your true self. Think of your path in life…where do you want your destiny to be? Discard guilt and embrace love and care.

I’m curious, have your parents been aware of your struggles lately? What is your doctor’s advice for you?

I will be here for you.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Well Im still set on not letting my parents find out. Dad works all the time and mom is not ususally home..so as bad as it sounds it makes it pretty easy for myself not to let them know..though the other day when I was having a really bad day..I had a set back and purged after having a salad..I thought nobody was home but My sister saw me..I told her I had the stomach flu because I didn’t want her to tell my parents. I don’t purge normally but I just couldnt stop myself that day. But things have been going better since then [=

And I have a follow up with the doctor in a few days..they have been making me go often to check my progress. As much as I hate doing it..I do want to get better so I make myself go. The doctor suggested that I tell them to..but I just can’t explain how scared I am..and how much I hate talking to my parents. It’s nothing against them..I was just never that kind of person who voiced her problems.

Thanks
Megan

Hi Megan. I so get it! I’m encouraging you to lift the “secret” veil for you! Keeping secrets will keep guilt and shame lingering around you…not good feelings, and they also feed ED. Secrets are just not good for us. It hides not only what we feel ashamed of, but also our spirit. So, by keeping secrets you are keeping your spirit slumbering. I know you value your true self. :)

I bet, your mom and your dad have each had their own struggles in life. Maybe not the same, but a struggle, a heartache, a wish for someone to understand. While they may seem unavailable, they are not unreachable.

I’m so proud of you for being honest here. It’s a place you can be free, without judgment, and feel safe. Open up as much as you can, your openness will heal you.

When you think of getting better, how do you see yourself?

Keep me posted with your doctor, K?

Hugs. Life Coach Nova

Well you know what…I wasn’t going to exactly ever tell you why I can’t tell my parents..but I got really upset tonight and I decided I will..

I cant tell my father.. because sure we dont talk much but hes too nice of a guy under to much stress for me to tell..
and my mother well shes a whole dif story…dont get me wrong when you read this I love her…but still I hate getting in arguments with her because one time..we got into a very small argument and she was depressed..she tried to kill herself..it took me a very long time to understand that its not my fault..now she is a very bad alcoholic who cheats on my dad and always stays at our camp with my little sister..so basically my older brother and I stick around with dad..and I dont mean to sound rude..but we get along just fine with out her..its how we cope…well I clean our house and dad works so its not like we do nothing..and she gets home for the first time in like two weeks and the first thing out of her mouth is " you ungreatful ugly bitch"..I know she cant help it because of the alcohol..(she was getting help until my gramma passed away) but still it upsets me..she says I dont talk to her nice and that I do nothing. thats what upsets me and makes me hate myself..thats why I do this..and I never realized it quite so clearly until tonight…and I am so upset I never want to eat again..I know I will have to though because I will NOT let this

Hi Sweetie Pie!! Oh gosh. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish I could reach through the computer screen and give you a hug. I’m here for you. I so understand the conflict you feel. You love your mom, but there is a lot of pain.

I have this theory that eating disorders evolve out of a huge incongruence with how we view the world and our experience. When people disappoint us, it makes us question everything, and we try to make sense out of our experience with how we view the world. We go inward and try to figure out why there is so much pain by unknowingly causing our own body pain. Some how hunger can fill a void….Only the real process here my darling is that when guilt, shame, judgment, fear, all mixed with a huge desire to be perfect so no one can judge you…opens the door to ED…then to more pain…then to isolation…then to a never ending prison.

The key here is to be honest. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING HONEST!!! It’s so difficult I hear you to be supportive of your dad, and be put in the middle by your mom. Some where, Megan gets lost in that. And your spirit starts to get quiet. The more you use your VOICE the stronger you will get.

I’m really sorry you have had some hard issues to deal with. I want you to understand how important it is to also understand why you were created…to become your fullest potential, to let your spirit lead you, to grow your mind, and to keep your body healthy. You have much to do, and I believe in you!!

I’ll be here for you.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Hello Sweetie, I’m thinking of you. How are you doing?

Hugs. Life Coach Nova

Hi,

Im doing fine..That issue with my mom was a set back..but I am not letting it stop me from trying to get better..I miss playing sports and cant wait until I am able to..I went to the doctors the other day..I go every Friday now until september then as long as I am making progress than I will go only have to go every three weeks [=..they said that I was gaining some muscle back so thats pretty good..I gained 2lbs since last week and that sucks a lot…but they said it was healthy for me to..so yea thats about it…

Thanks
Megan

Hi Megan,

I am so proud of you!! I am proud of your dedication, your determination, and your will. Your spirit is speaking clearly now. You know, I have learned there will be obstacles in our path and those obstacles can be a person who treats us less than we deserve, a tragedy, an accident…but there is no greater obstacle than our own fear. You have gathered your courage, your strength, and on are your way to the true you.

Thank you for the update with your doctor, that makes me feel so good that you are taking care of yourself. Did I say I was proud of you? I’m so proud of you! You will be back playing sports in no time. I bet better than ever!

Focus on your path, creativity, health, and well-being. I believe in you. You have a beautiful spirit.

I’m really glad you are here.

With Care,

Nova

They are sending me away. Even though I am getting better..I don’t understand…The doctors told my parents what has been going on…apparently they thought it would be better if thehy knew how I was doing better.Well to them it’s not good enough. ]=…I don’t want to go to some treatment place..I was feeling soo good about finally making so much progress and the doctors and you guys were happy..and for the first time in a long time I can look in the mirror and kinda feel pretty good [=…but whats it matter now if they are sending me away…right before school is starting..I dont want people to know…Not my friends Not anyone.

Hi Sweetie. Tell me more. Tell me about the conversation you had with your parents. Did they have any idea you were struggling so much before the doctor spoke to them? What are their fears? Tell me what you need to get better from them and you. Tell me how I can best support you through this.

I’m here for you. I’ll help you through. OK?

Don’t worry, everything’s ok, you are loved.

With Great Care,

Life Coach Nova

Well they just were like mad or something and they wanted to know why I was doing this. I tried to explain that I couldnt help it…but they just told me I needed to stop..and that this wasn’t a good time..I told them that thats why I wasnt bothering them because they would have said that..and tried to tell them how much better I am doing..but they didnt care even though the doctor says I am doing better.

They think that I was fine before and now they think I am doing this for like attention..because really I was really good at hiding this…I always wore huge clothes…

I don’t know what to do…I am so scared….It just makes me think that now that they know whats the point in getting better….I just keep thinking sports..I love them…Thats the only thing I have..If it wasn’t for them(my escape) then I wouldn’t get better..because before I was just some girl who came across as happy and normal..now I am “some nut case who just wants attention”

Hi Megan. Ok, I’m here for you. No, this struggle is not attention seeking. Do you think that maybe your parents feel bad for not noticing how much you were suffering? It’s not just about stopping, it’s about healing, finding your voice, self-acceptance, and worth. I bet your parents are scared having just heard this and they actually really care, but don’t know what to do.

I would really like you to find someone close to you that you and your parents can talk to so you can move forward in a positive direction. Since you have a trusting relationship with your doctor you can start there, asking her if there is someone you can all talk to so your parents can better understand your struggle. It might be they will feel more comfortable given some tools and education on how to help. What do you think?

If you were close to me I’d say come see me! I can help you the best I can though find solutions.

You have done a really wonderful job, and I don’t want you to loose sight of your progress, it’s really important. You are on a good path…and here’s the good thing in all of this…there are no more secrets! It’s done, the secret veil has been lifted. And while we may need to figure out how to go from here, you will be free from the secret. That my sweetie, is a very good thing. It’s good for your spirit, it’s good for you, and it’s also good to give your parents a chance to help – they just need to be educated on how best to help. Does that make sense?

You can always reach me here, or if you need me before I’m on FBN you can email me at nova@stepstonesforlife.com. I’ll help you with a plan.

Let me know what else I can do.

Megan, keep your focus on being well, playing your sports you miss, healing, getting strong, and most of all speaking up and using your voice.

Hugs. Life Coach Nova

I dont really think they are feeling bad ….I think it’s more of an anger…like my dad said…“We just dont do these kind of things in this family”….

And as for talking to my doctor..I guess I could try…I am just upset because i didnt think that they could tell my parents if I didnt get permission..They said they want to send me to trearment next week…and I will do anything for them to not make me go..ANYTHING…but even though I am eating much better…they now watch me like a hawk and say that what I eat is not enough…but i am not quite readyy to eat more…this takes time for me to build up my courage…

I dont feel better like I thought I would if they knew…I feel sad like….they will never look at me in the same way but i guess in a way I kinda no what you mean

Thanks so much for everything really it means so much to me

Of course sweetie, you are welcome. I’m here for you.

I’d like you to suggest all of you talking to your doctor in person, or if your doctor can recommend someone close that can help. Your parents will greatly benefit from knowing how to help. They want you to be well, learning how to best support you is really important right now.

I know, I hear the sadness, but listen…they too have a struggle in their own life, maybe not the same, but a struggle. Everyone faces a battle to conquer. It’s just part of life as ironic as it sounds, it does help us grow. And that’s what will rise out of all this pain…growth, understanding, and empowerment. The important step for you now is for your family to unite in an educated way to be helpful for you.

Stay strong. It will be ok.

Hugs. Life Coach Nova

Hi Megan, How are you? Everything ok?

I’m thinking of you. Let me know how you are doing.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Im doing alright..

I have been talking to my parents as well as the doctor…and the have agreed to let me keep going to school as long as I keep progressing…but thats the last we talked about it…and apparently the last we will…so i guess we will see what happens

Hi Megan. :) I’m glad you are alright, and talking openly is good progress. Why is the conversation ending apparently?

I’m here for you!

Warmly,

Life Coach Nova

Well even though they talked to my doctor I just feel like they are angry with me…The won’t talk to me and when they bring it up they always yell and get angry..which just makes it that much harder to stick to this.

Hi. Well, I’m glad they have talked to your doctor. Anger is probably more fear and worry. They need to understand how to help and have a strategy, then they will feel more in control and capable to help you.

So…what are a few things they could do to help?…

Are you feeling good today?

:) Nova

I havent posted in a while..mainly because I was getting off track of recovery and decided I needed to just kind of leave everything else behind for a few days..

But I saw something today that made me really sad..
I was at a birthday party for a little girl I babysit..shes turning 4 and a very smart girl and she would not let anyone take pics of her (never has)..when I asked her why she replied “I don’t like pictures of myself..I look fat”
How can a 4 year old think this, and it really hit me, the sad thing is ..shes such a beautiful girl with a great life, I would hate to think she grows up with that little self confidence..and so I was wondering..what do I tell a four year old to make her believe that shes crazy for thinkng that?

I know that this is a bit hypocritical but shes four she shouldn’t think that.. I think it’s different when a 17 year old thinks that because I KNOW that I dont like myself and that I feel Ugly or fat but I am older and Thought I understood more…but now I wonder…I was worried that she may have picked up on some of my bad habits because one day she told me that “your skinny because you only eat one time and everyone who eats more is fat right?” I replied (lying) telling her that I eat 3 meals and I exercise to stay healthy and that eating less or more doesnt define how “fat” somebody is..Though her mom tells me that she has always felt this way..like she has always been self concious..

Anyway update with the doctors:

I was sick and lost 5lbs last this week..
but they know I was physically sick so they said as long as I gained it back then they wouldnt like mark it as intentional..
but the scary thing is…I was excited again about losing that weight..that is why i havent been on here..because I felt like I was slipping..and it freaked me out

Dear tobethin18
I am not an expert in this area at all, so my opinion is just my own.
Reading your post broke my heart. Thinking of a 4 year old already worrying about her weight makes me very upset.
So this is just my little rant about the subject, I just hope it helps someone to see this from my point of view.

There seems to be an overwhelming attitude in our culture that begins at birth – that we are not perfect and need to be something other than who we are, to be acceptable.

The media preys on this feeling and convinces us that we need to buy this or that and buy into being thinner, prettier, sexier, something other than who we are, etc. And because everyone feels a little less than – we buy into the hype. Sometimes parents buy into this and even pass it on to there kids.

In 1975 I was 15 and there were maybe 10% of the students I went to school with who were actually over weight.
Now I see that 50-70 percent of kids that age are over weight. Something happened between then and now.
I do not know exactly what all happened during that time, but a large part of it is because of the media and the fast food industry.

We can’t stop the media from advertising to us all day long, but we can be aware and wary of it’s effects and lies to us.
I do not have what I consider what I’d call an eating disorder, but I did fall under the effects of easy to get crappy fast food. I ate at Del Taco and Pizza Hut everyday almost exclusively for 10 years. I finally reached 320 pounds.

This was because I literally lost awareness of my eating habits. I did not then go to the other extreme and obsess about my weight loss, I simply focused on staying conscious and responsible for my eating. I gradually lost 120 over 4 years. I now weight under 200 lbs. I did it very slowly and consistently. I didn’t beat my self up when I slipped. I became my best friend and my own advocate for my health.

I think you can help this little girl by being honest and asking her questions about how and where she gets these ideas and address them until she see the light and truth that she is beautiful just the way she is and her looks and weight are all just superficial external things that have nothing to do with being the wonderful person she is inside. I am saying this to you as well tobeth18!

If I could get everyone to hear one simple fact I believe with all my heart, it’s that we all need to accept and love ourselves for who we are right now – not for who or what we think we should be tomorrow.
And not buy into the hype that we need to be something else to be better people.

I was unhappy for many years and constantly looked for external fixes to make me happy,
then I realized I had to look inside and focus on being grateful and love myself and accept myself for exactly who I am right now, as I am, no matter what.

The only thing I can add to this is that I now realize that life for me falls between finding love and acceptance and the other extreme of living in some kind of fear. Fear of not being good enough for myself of others. When I finally decided I wanted to be happy more than afraid of life, and decided to open my heart to love and loving myself.

I’m not saying this is easy, I’m just saying it was the only way I could be happy and satisfied with myself and my life.

This took a lot of courage and persistent awareness to happen, but it has been worth it. When I can wake up and remember it’s want I really want from life.

I hope this helps you and others in some small way.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

Yours truly
CoachJohn