Do I have an Eating Disorder?

Im 17 5’8" and For about a year now i have
struggled a lot with self image and a lot of weight loss ..
But withing the last month I have lost 30lbs…
I dont think I have a problem .. but other
people are starting to ask questions..
Im not Underweight according to my
BMI..so I think im fine.. but If so many people
think im sick maybe I should get help..
even if i DONT want it?..what do you think
do I need it if im not underweight

Hi tobethin, how are you? I’m glad you are here with us. Weclome to Feel Better Network. I saw your other post in the Member Community area too. Yes, I do help people with eating disorders, and I would be happy to give you some support and guidance. I am concerned about you loosing 30 pounds in one month at 17. Your body and mind are still growing and developing, requiring nutrients to function and develop properly.

The definition of an eating disorder is eating or not eating in a way that interferes with your health, well-being, or social and occupational life. Basically, if you are having trouble staying on top of your life, you are isolating yourself, and your health is suffering as a result of your eating behaviors it’s time to take a look.

Anorexia is diagnosed when weight is 85% of what would be expected for height and body type, along with an intense fear of gaining weight, and disturbance in the perception of body image. Weight loss is primarily through reduction in food intake typically beginning with eliminating certain foods perceived to be high calorie or fattening. Eventually the diet becomes very restrictive with only a few foods allowed. Weight loss can also include purging and excessive exercise.

Bulimia is binge eating – eating a very large amount of food in a short amount of time accompanying a sense of lack of control, followed by inappropriate compensatory behaviors – purging, laxatives, excessive exercise, or fasting periods. There is also an excessive emphasis on body shape and weight in their self-evaluation, typically being the most important measure of self-esteem.

Typically an eating disorder is diagnosed after 3-6 months of persistent behavior.

You’ve mentioned people are concerned for you. How long have you been doing extreme diets? How did you lose the weight? This is a safe place with no judgment for you to open up.

So many people suffer in silence, so I am proud of you for reaching out.

Let’s talk more, I’m hear to listen and support you.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Well i dont really know what you want me to tell you lol
umm… I guess I have alrways sort of extreme dieted for short amount of time.. but when my softball season started in March …thats when it got really bad…I found it so easy to go to school then games then get home after at like 11:00 and be to tired for any food.. so i would have nothing that day ..
And I lost all of the weight ..basically by doing this

Also My coach commented about me always shaking
and i got scared she was going to tell my parents so
I asked her not to.. and we had this big long talk about
it one day.. This coach is basically like my mother.. and
so she *tried to watch out for me .. and all but then since she
would watch me eat… I feel like now I have to purge when she
is gone..But i have only purged like 10 times

Only 3 people have asked me about it
My two coaches and my friend..
Like I dont want people to Know because
I think they will worry over nothing.. I
really think Im fine.. I mean im not
at a low weight or anything.. I just tell
people I loose weight because of all the
different sports i play

Thanks
Im glad that I can finally talk to someone.

Hi tobethin, yes, I am glad you have someone to talk to as well! :)

I’m glad you have your coach watching out for you. It sounds like she really cares for you. This is a difficult time for many young women balancing school, activities, and a social life and feeling like you have some control. There is also so much pressure to look a certain way! Do you feel judgment or pressure from others, or is it more from yourself? From your post, it sounds like your schedule made it easier for you to not eat anything. Do you feel more in control that way?

If your body is shaky during sports that’s a sign your muscles are just not getting enough. I’m glad your coach had a talk with you. Making sure you eat though, is just one part of it. If you feel the need to purge after you are being watched, that could be the beginning of really awful cycle that is difficult to pull out of. It can take over your life, lasting months and years eroding your strength. I am sooo glad you are reaching out now!! The sooner you get help staying healthy, the easier it is to stay well.

If you are hiding how you are losing weight, then that’s a sign too that you are heading down a path that leads to isolation. Not a fun place. Reaching out is a great way to break isolation, so good job, I’m proud of you!!

Do you mind sharing how much you weigh currently? or the size you wore before and after you lost weight. If you don’t feel comfortable that’s ok. I’m just curious where you fall right now.

Has anything happened in the past year that was really troubling for you?

I’ll help you through this. I’m wondering if you are willing to start a healthy eating plan to maintain your weight and stay healthy and strong right now? Is that an option you are interested in?

I’m also curious if your parents have noticed anything or have any concerns? When young people reach out to me, wanting someone to talk to but are very fearful of sharing their secrets with their parents, a safer way to approach it is to say something like, I think I need to work on having a healthy relationship with food and talking to someone would be helpful. Or, just starting with a doctor visit for a physical is a good start too.

I’m so happy to have you here, and I’ll be here to talk this through and support you.

With Care,

Life Coach Nova

Hi,

My coach(marcy) really is a great person..
I can trust her with anything shes just
like my mother and I love her for caring
about me when I feel like no one else does

I dont really know who I feel the pressure from..
Like Im the one whos hard on myself nobody picks on me
or anything.. its just like when I eat a bite of food.. I hate
myself.. like So much that I cry.. and I weigh myself about 4 times a day …Just incase i have gained.. Also I make sure that all I drink is water.

My shaking is all the time but gets worse during a game
like uncontrollably …

I also love that sports keep me on track..
When Softball season ended I freaked because I didnt
know what to do .. So I joined a gym and I go there after school… and during the day now

My parents have no idea Im loosing weight..
atleast i dont think.. I wear sweats so they cant
see and then change when I get to school or where ever im going . I never want my parents to no..EVER ..i dont talk to my parents about this kind of stuff

Right now i weigh around 140lbs…
which can tell you right there that i am definitly
not underweight ..

I guess I would like to start an easier healthier diet..
But idk if i can.. im scared to gain weight..
thinking about it just makes me tear up…
I just dont want to be fat for the rest of my life

Hi tobethin, I understand. I’m hear for you and you now have someone else who really cares! You can visit here anytime and know you are cared for and supported. Write as often as you can, it’s a very good beginning to healing. I can hear your fear and anguish over food and weight. Let’s take some steps to help you feel better and bring you some peace.

People think eating disorders are all about weight, but that is maybe just a fraction of it. The real culprit is fear, lack of control, feeling alone, and not seeing how truly worthy you are. Teens are particularly vulnerable because their identity is still forming, you are still figuring out who are and who you will be. So, during this time teens focus on their physical appearance as a representation of their identity.

I’m glad you are willing to try a healthy plan, that’s a really good start! I understand the fear. I want you to start identifying that fear is the problem, not food. Food gives you fuel and nourishment so you can play softball and go to the gym, have nice hair, and concentrate. The war is against fear and self-judgment not food. Separating this is very important.

You are thin from what you have shared, especially if you play sports. Let’s move forward with maintaining and building a plan so you can love yourself, live with pride, and feel comfortable. I understand your hesitancy about talking with your parents, and I’m so glad you have an ally with your coach, I want to point out that secrets keep guilt lingering which just drags you down. You need to be free from guilt. There is no shame in learning about life, yourself, and finding solutions. You are stronger than you think!

In addition to our support here at FBN, I would really encourage you to find a counselor you can talk to in person. You are identifying some patterns that we really need to halt so you can be healthy. Just having someone in your corner can really help!! Think of it like building your boat of support so you can sail through life comfortably. You have your coach, me, the FBN team, and a counselor just for you. Sounds nice doesn’t it?

If you are fearful right now, start with drinking protein shakes and sticking to lean protein and veggies and some fruit. You will not gain weight from eating any of these foods! I really like the concept of food combining and have had amazing success with people having a variety of eating issues. It’s easy to follow, keeps you balanced, and you will not gain weight if you follow it properly. Your body becomes balanced, lean, and more resistant against disease. You can read more here and let me know if this sounds like something you could do: http://stepstonesforlife.com/blog/category/heal…

It’s always important to check in with your doctor for a physical if you’ve been feeling shaky. This might be a good beginning for you to talk about your struggles. It would be really good to check to make sure you are not deficient in anything. You can just schedule a regular check-up and share you have lost some weight with the doctor. Doctors are there to help you, not to judge you.

You are worth this. You sound like a sweet, sensitive, wonderful young woman. I’m so glad you are reaching out, let’s get you healthy and strong so you enjoy life and those around you. Sound good?

Let me know your thoughts and we will keep taking steps forward until you feel better.

I’ll be here to listen, write back.

Warmly,

Life Coach Nova

Hi,

I dont guess it would hurt to _try _ the protein shakes and stuff but if I gain weight then ill freak..

They blow things wayy out of proportion and i dont
think they would let me do anything if they found out
Also volleyball starts tomorrow and they might not let me
play so i cant tell them

Hi tobethin. I am so glad you found us here and that you and Nova have started chatting about this. One thing I picked up on in your earlier post was that you said, "Like Im the one whos hard on myself nobody picks on me
or anything.. its just like when I eat a bite of food.. I hate
myself.. like So much that I cry.. "

Tell me more about this sweetheart. What are some of the things you tell youself when you eat? What are some of those judgments?

Let’s start from there today and see how we can make them better. :)

You sound terrific and I am really looking forward to hearing more from you.

Hugs,
Dr. Kathy

Hi honey. So you said, “if you eat that you will never be pretty..” This is a belief we have to actively fight. The trick is, you got this idea somewhere and we have to try to find the root of it.

So while you’re looking for the root, I’d like you to try to challenge yourself to come up with some counter-statements. These are things you can tell yourself when you feel like you’re being really critical of yourself.

Here are some examples of some counter-statements, these are just examples, so try to think of some that might work for you:

1. Right now I have feelings I don’t like. They will be over with soon and I’ll be fine. For now, I am going to focus on doing something else around me.

2. That picture (image) in my head is not a healthy or rational picture. Instead, I’m going to focus on something healthy like _________________________.

3. I’ve stopped my negative thoughts before and I’m going to do it again now. I am becoming better and better at pushing these these automatic negative thoughts out of my mind and that makes me happy.

4. So I feel a little anxiety now, SO WHAT? It’s not like it’s the first time. I am going to take some nice deep breaths and keep on going. This will help me continue to get better.

5. I don’t have any evidence or proof that what I am thinking is true. I just think it is true. And thinking it’s true doesn’t make it true. I am going to look for proof that it’s not true now…

Then whenever you are criticizing or judging yourself, you can try to fight back those negative thoughts with your counter-statements. Imagine you have a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other one. The devil is the one saying, “Don’t eat that, you’ll get even fatter, and you know what that means!” The angel should be the one whispering your counter-statements, like “Don’t listen to that, that’s not true, you are not fat, you are a healthy weight, the charts say so and we have to trust the doctors who came up with them. Besides, people really love you, just as you are right now, you don’t need to change….”

Ok honey, give it a try and let me know if it works for you.

I have to be honest

Something happened today..
Its not the first time and I feel
like I need to come clean
I dont know if it has anything
to do with this.. but it scared
me and i figuered that you
guyes say you will not judge
well there you go

I passed out.. alone so
its okay nobody saw me

Hello tobethin. Yes, there is no judgment. I’m glad you feel safe here. It’s really important you see your doctor. Remember, there is no judgment, just help dealing with all this. You can start with a check-up and share how you have been feeling physically.

Secrets are just not good, and really interfere with seeing things clearly. When I work with teens and they reveal something they think they can never tell anyone else, eventually we lift the secret veil – and guess what? Every single time they have felt better, like a tremendous weight has been instantaneously lifted. The anxiety dissipates, and they feel more capable to face their battle. Your struggle is not uncommon and nothing to have shame surround it. It is important that you take every step you can to feel better.

Start by taking just the first step and see your doctor for a check-up. Do you think you can do that?

I’m so glad you are reaching out and sharing with us.

Warmly,

Nova

but will they tell my parents if i go?
im scared that if i go they will …
Maybe i should just wait until
January to see if i get better by then
because at least ill be 18 then
and they wont say anything..
but if they wont know then i will
go.. and what will i say anyway to
them?…they will probbaly think
its stupid…and just say eat and
this will be fine…

Hi sweetie. Doctors have the same confidentiality rules as therapists. No, you don’t need to wait until you are 18. And no, you are not stupid. You are a young woman trying to find her way facing struggles that many have also faced. Eating is just one part of it. You will feel better just taking the first steps. It can feel overwhelming thinking about everything all at once. The first step is getting a check-up and making sure you are ok.

Next, it would be really good to talk to someone who can maybe help you talk with your parents. It’s a good thing to want to learn how to cope with life – that shows strength and character.

Remember, you have someone who cares about you here and wants you to be the best you can be.

With Care,

Nova

alright well .. maybe i can try to go do a doctor
but .. volleyball starts tomorrow.. so i think i
should wait until the first week is over…

but as long as they promise not to say
ANYTHING to my parents then i will go
because i really am tired of fighting this
and crying over my weight ..

i dont know if i am ready to get better though
im finally starting to see a difference .. and i
like that

Seeing the doctor is a good start. :) I understand. You can get even better results by following a healthy plan that works for you keeping your strong muscles so you can play sports! I help people everyday feel great about themselves and feel good emotionally and physically. It is possible to have the whole package!

I’d really like you to go to the doctors as soon as possible. K?

I’d also like to know something that you feel good about yourself. What do you do well? Sounds like you are really athletic and sports are important to you.

I’ll be here! You are not alone. Nova

umm
i promise to go to the doctor…
as soon as i can get the courage to..
and to not wait longer than 1 weekish

Yes i do like sports alot..
I guess im kinda good at them
I play them all year

but i really dont like anything about myself..

Ok good. :) Keep me posted ok? That’s great that you are good at sports! Sports are such a great way to express yourself and be a part of a team. You must be very athletic to play all different sports at your age. That’s really cool.

I know there are lots and lots of other wonderful things about you!! What would your best friends say they like most about you?

:) Nova

I scheduled a doctor appointment
for Tomorrow.. As to whether i will
go or not.. im still really scared..
when they asked what the app was
for i wasnt sure so i just said simply
a check up .

Hi tobethin, that’s great! Great job taking the steps you need to! I’m so proud of you.

And I saw your last post about what your friends would say. :) Yes, being a good listener and best friend are very awesome qualities. You are someone others can rely on. You have a lot to get done in your life, you need to be strong and healthy. You have support here.

I’ll be checking in. Let us know how you are doing. K?

Warmly, Nova

I went to the doctor today.
It sucked.
& im still not convinced that im that sick
because all of these things broken down
arnt really that bad

they said that my ribs have very little fat around them
which is due to rapid weight loss..and is why they
sometimes hurt.. and that im shaking
because my body is starving..that they dont think i should
play sports for a while because my body is exhausted…

but thats crazy i told them that if i missed practices then
i couldnt play..and that i was going to play ..then they
said that if i dont get my weight up then they will tell
my parents…i guess i was off a little on my weight..
124 lbs.. they also took a whole bunch of blood for
different test.. they said my iron is low and im anemic..

I am so proud of you for going. I know it wasn’t easy. It was such an important first step. Remember, doctors are there to help not judge. It is important you feel well. If this path continues, your body will just shut down and you won’t be able to play sports. Your bones are also at risk for stress fractures. When you don’t give your body enough, it will pull from everything, lean muscle, bone, teeth, skin.

How did it feel to hear all this from the doctor? Are you motivated to try a healthy plan? Did the doctor suggest a therapist for you to talk some of this through? Where do you want to go from here?

I would really like you to talk with someone in person. I know the girls I see really look forward to seeing me, it’s a great relief to have someone who understands. You can look in our find a professional section to find someone near you.

Secrets weight us down and keep guilt and shame lingering. Think of how freeing it would be talk openly about your struggles with someone just like you have here. You deserve to be free and strong.

Keep writing to us about how you are feeling and voice out loud your struggles. There is great strength and healing in reaching out.

Super job taking the first step, let’s work on taking one more now. :)

With Great Care,

Nova

hi,

well I think that the doctors
probably just exaggerated a lot
to try and scare me out of being like this.
If I had all those problems I think that I
would be more aware of it..

I would maybe like to try a healthier meal
plan…but not for a few months.. I want to try to do
this gradually like after the summer maybe?..
They did refer me to some lady He wants me to
talk to .. but im also going to wait until school starts
back up because thats when im at my worst with this.

They also suggested like you that I tell my parents..
but Im still a bit hesitiant

Well I want toThank You So much for all of your help
You have helped me realize that I may be a bit sicker
than I thought.. I promise to get better and ask for help…when
Im ready..

Once again Thanks for the support

Hi Tobethin. I am really proud of you for going in and talking to the doctor. I hope you will keep us posted, we all care about you and wish only the best for you!

Hello tobethin. How are you today? Let’s keep talking through your feelings. I’d like you to keep reaching out to us here and sharing. :)

I know it’s difficult to imagine doing anything else right now. You took a really big first step, reaching out to us, then you took an even bigger step going to your doctor. I’m super proud of you!! So, let’s just keep talking from here. I want you to know you have someone who cares and is here to listen without judgment.

Warmly,

Life Coach Nova

Hi

Im Fine
Very tired from Volleyball!
But thats okay because i made Varsity

Im not going tomorrow to practice though
I decided that since the doctors dont want me to practice
then i will take one day off a week when im not feeling
up well enough to go and that way I still get to practice 4 days
a week and take a break on one day