Doesn't seem like much....

Hey you guys… I don’t like resorting to these things but I’ve lost everyone. Really I feel ashamed of complaining about anything! People have it worse off that me. I’m always the first to help and give.. Sometimes it’s too much though. I’m so kind that I’m easy to manipulate.. I guess I should start from the beginning to explain why I’m here. I grew up in a truly dysfunctional family! Both parents have been married 3 times and I’ve been abused/mistreated/neglected all my life. This is by friend and family alike… physical and mental. Through this I’m extremely kind to people instead of cold except I don’t trust people so I don’t talk to anyone about my own problems. People see me as the happy girl that nothing happens to and is always giving. Well lately I’ve been getting better. My mom married a guy that is amazing to us and she stopped drinking… I’m off in college on a full ride. I thought I might finally be getting that happy life that everyone talks about and I try to fake. Still nothing… I am losing the friends that I’m letting in because they all back stab me which is making it seem like being closed off to people really was the best… there aren’t people to trust. I tried to love someone but learned fast that trusting people ruins that too… I was out crying today because I told a guy no so now all my friends are turning their backs on me even more and he’s trying to get my boyfriend to turn on me too.. It doesn’t get better. Life never gets better. I do believe their is a god… I’ve read the bible… I use to go to church before I was put in a city that doesn’t have one I can get to. I even prayed up until recently… I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m emotionally exhausted of all this mess… 13 (I’m 18 so before that is a blur) years of not stop abuse if not physical then emotional/mental from everyone around me. When does it stop? Someone help…

Hello, I am very sorry that all of this has happened to you. I have gone through several similar problems, but not to the extreme extent that you have gone through. First, being a kind and generous person is always good, but you and I both know that if you are too nice then people will take advantage of you. The only way I have found to really help solve this is try to limit yourself on the nice things you do and if your friends are still doing this to you and turning their backs on you, then they do not deserve a friend like you. I know that is easier said than done, I know from experience, but after doing this for a while it becomes second nature and then your self esteem will get much better. As for your friends just leaving you all by yourself, like I said they do not deserve a friend like you and you need to try and find some new friends. Now trust is also a very big issue and this is one that does not come easy at all. This is a slow process, but just start with a person or two and then slowly it will get better. I have had an alcoholic friend who died, an abusive and alcoholic father, been picked on and mocked and neglected, the same as you, so I understand what is happening with you. I will be praying for you and hope this advice helps, even if it is only a little bit