problems

Hello,
I’m 17 years old and a senior in high school. Ever since middle school, I have struggled a lot. I got into porn, and my parents caught me. As an 11 year old girl, I was very ashamed of this, especially because of the Christian background I was raised on. After this, my relationship with my parents went downhill and I started to think about suicide. I never attempted anything, and I haven’t considered doing anything like that in quite a while. Anyways, I feel like that depression and sadness never went away.
I felt better during the beginning of high school but my junior and senior years have been much worse. I don’t get along with my parents at all, even though they are good parents. I’m extremely unhappy all of the time. I feel empty and like I’m very sad all of the time. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and only get 3 or 4 hours a night. I take all honors classes and am highly involved. I have a lot of friends but I always feel very lonely. I went to the guidance counselor at school once because it’s hard for me to get along with my friends when I’m always feeling like crap. But it mostly just made me feel uncomfortable, so I stopped going. This summer, things got worse. I got caught drinking alcohol by my boss (I worked in the dishroom at a summer camp; I wasn’t working, but since I was underage, he was required to call my parents). My boss has always been someone I’m comfortable talking too and having him know was not an issue. However, my parents were extremely upset and I was grounded for a long time. When I finally got un-grounded, my midterms got sent home, and although I can usually get straight A’s, I was failing 3 classes at midterms. I’m losing all of my motivation even though I only have a semester of high school left.

My boss, who I would usually be comfortable talking to about stuff like this, moved out of state, so I don’t talk to him or his family much anymore. I’m really uncomfortable and freaked out by asking for help from people in person, even though if my parents knew they would be supportive and i know there are teachers and people at church and in the community i can go to. But I’m scared and it’s really hard for me to talk to people, so I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Hello there, I am sorry to hear about your predicament. While I was high school, I went through very, very similar issues and even though I was a peer counselor and helped so many other students, I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to. May I ask how much time are you online or, if you still are, and do not mind me asking, watching porn? When I was your age, I also had a problem with pornography which also led me to alcohol and then into drugs. Even though you do not feel like anyone else is with you or you have no one to talk to, you would be surprised at how common these feelings are. I have found that finding certain things, like listening to music or reading your favorite books or comics or magazines, watching movies, etc. that calm you down and keep you relaxed, they can really help you get yourself back to the person you were. And if and when you are ready to talk to your parents about it, do a couple of those things that relax you an hour or 2 before you sit down for that talk and it will help you keep you relaxed. I hope this helps you

Hello again, I would love to hear how things are working out for you

i have a little cuz and she comes every weekend and i live with my dad and mom and usally im in charge of my cousin but she got bad wasnt listening to me so i told her shes not allowed to come anymore and she had a second chance and messed that up well she turned around and got my dad yelling at me and got him to let her come and my dad lets her do whatever she wants and gives in to her all the time and my da tells to stay out of it hes in charge of her now when she comes and tells me if i dont like it i can move and her parents drink every weekend and let her and the other kids go whare they please just so they have fun idk if i should move or what i cant take my cousin coming and getting out of control

This is a very awkward situation and a very complicated one as well. As for moving, I moved when I as 17 out of my parents house because of problems with my stepfather and as much as I thought it would be better, it really wasn’t. I moved into a friends guesthouse and it was terrible. I had everything I needed, which was a bathroom, bedroom, a somewhat living room, and a kitchen. The problem was now since I moved out, my part-time job became more of full-time job since I had to pay for my phone and rent. I also had to get food, which was not as bad because I was working at Taco Bell and as for the electricity and cable, my friend’s parents helped with those two. At first everything did not seem so bad, but since I had no major rules to follow and no supervision, I ended up getting a girl pregnant my senior year. The point I am trying to make is that even though it seems really bad now, just try to stay and make things work, and if that fails, try to talk to your teachers and school counselors and let them know what is happening at home and they might be able to help.
As for your cousin, simply close your door, put on some music, and since she does not listen to you, just do not listen to her. One thing that I have found very helpful is to talk with one of your close friends’ parents and let them know what is going on. They might be able to help if you and your dad or you and your cousin get into and might let you come over for a bit to let things cool down. I hope this has helped in someway, I will be praying that things get better soon.