Loving Family: How to Build and Maintain Relationships That Will Get You through Anything

Joanna Fee

Family can be one of the most precious sources of support in today’s world. Or . . . family can be an obstacle to true happiness. There are shades of grey on what makes a family good or bad, but most would agree that a “good” family structure is one in which you feel you can be your true self. While most people would define their family as “quirky,” “eccentric,” or just plain weird, the ability to be relaxed and supported through your personal challenges tends to make the weirdness not such a big deal. Unfortunately, family experiences do run the gamut from loving and supportive to alienating and abusive. No matter what your experience has been, the good concept of family-the unconditional acceptance and support- is something we can all cultivate. Even if it’s not with biological relatives. Family Defined The way we define “family” has changed over the years. It used to be a strictly nuclear-Mom, Dad, and siblings. Now it’s a bit different. We create family based upon common values, morals, and lifestyle. In many cases, this is still our biological family. But it is also common for one’s family to be an intimate connection of friends both near and abroad. The Secret to Success? (It ain’t money.) Does it really matter if you have people in your life that are like family? Well, for most people’s emotional health, it does matter. The American Psychological Association recently reported on studies from the University of Texas at Austin finding that people’s happiness, even in times of financial turbulence like now, is most impacted by strong family relationships, not money. It turns out that while money can be a major stressor in everyday life, healthy family support can counteract that stress. When Your Family Relationships Are Great Some of us have had a strong family since day one, and this is something to be celebrated . . . A LOT. I challenge you to take advantage of every single opportunity you have to tell your family that they’re important to you. Cards, silly notes, homemade cupcakes, even a funny e-mail to the group can make your family feel closer and more appreciated. These types of small yet frequent reminders enrich the value each of your family member’s can place on the unit as a while. Here are some quick ways to strengthen family bonds: Renew Traditions: Use heirloom plates for the holidays, or assign one person the same role each year (e.g., my Mom always makes traditional Polish borscht for Christmas Eve. No matter where we celebrate, and no matter who does the cooking, she always prepares this dish, and we always expect to have it.) Discuss traditions, talk about old cousin-so-and-so, and reminisce. These easy going conversations form the storyline for your family, and this story is one you will tell your children, or your new family. Practice Gratitude: Take time to just hang out, and let it be known that your family is great to hang out with. Whether you go to the zoo together, play games every Sunday night, or go the movies as a group once a month, it is important to establish set times to be together. This allows bonds to remain strong without anyone having to step out of their routine to reach out. And when you’re together, express how great is it to be together. Again, this type of gratitude breeds value among your family! Let everyone know that what you’ve got going is really, really special! When Your Family Relationships Are Not So Great Some of us have biological families that we are not close with, and we are often conflicted as to what to do about these relationships. We may also feel isolated and not as connected with others as we’d like to be. We may even find ourselves envying those with a close knit family. While this is understandable, know that it is possible to reap the benefits of a close knit family without actually being a blood relative. Ways to create family relationships: Recognize That You May Need To Create A New Family You may have not been born into the closest of biological families. It is important to be aware of the way your family affects you. If you feel worse, not better, after spending time with your biological family, take some time to think about that. How long do you want to go on feeling this way with them? Your time may be better spent seeking out relationships with people who share your moral, ethical, and spiritual outlook on the world. These people may indeed be the family you were always looking for. Reach out. Do you know what you’re about? Do have a sense of your personal value, and do those values play out in your hobbies and other personal pursuits? If this makes you say, “I don’t have any hobbies,” then get some and soon. The way to make new relationships is by reaching out. Waving your lonely flag in your apartment won’t help. Sign up for those tennis or cooking lessons that you read about in your community college course catalogue. Chances are good that the people with whom you share the same interests will become your new friends. Start Traditions. An easy way to develop strong, family-like bonds is to set up traditions. Traditions don’t need to come from anywhere-we get to make them up. It’s true! If you are hesitant to establish something as formal as Easter Sunday brunch or Christmas Eve dinner, then start with a fun holiday. St. Patrick’s Day Potluck! Super Bowl Sunday Party! Invite folks from your office, ask any of your kid’s parents that seem nice, and your neighbors. You never know who you may be one event from developing a deeper relationship with. Go for it! What have you got to lose? Only the opportunity to develop long-lasting, satisfying relationships. And if they say no, let them off the hook easy, “No problem, Jane, we look forward to seeing you next year!” The precedent has been set. You have officially started a tradition! Overall, make it a goal to have at least one person in your life that you share a strong, honest bond with. If you don’t feel like you have that right now, that’s okay. Tomorrow can be the day in which you make a small step to say hello to someone, or spark up a conversation with someone you only sort of know. The family you want is out there, if only you go out and find it!

Family can be one of the most precious sources of support in today’s world. Or . . . family can be an obstacle to true happiness. There are shades of grey on what makes a family good or bad, but most would agree that a “good” family structure is one in which you feel you can be your true self. While most people would define their family as “quirky,” “eccentric,” or just plain weird, the ability to be relaxed and supported through your personal challenges tends to make the weirdness not such a big deal. Unfortunately, family experiences do run the gamut from loving and supportive to alienating and abusive. No matter what your experience has been, the good concept of family-the unconditional acceptance and support- is something we can all cultivate. Even if it’s not with biological relatives. Family Defined The way we define “family” has changed over the years. It used to be a strictly nuclear-Mom, Dad, and siblings. Now it’s a bit different. We create family based upon common values, morals, and lifestyle. In many cases, this is still our biological family. But it is also common for one’s family to be an intimate connection of friends both near and abroad. The Secret to Success? (It ain’t money.) Does it really matter if you have people in your life that are like family? Well, for most people’s emotional health, it does matter. The American Psychological Association recently reported on studies from the University of Texas at Austin finding that people’s happiness, even in times of financial turbulence like now, is most impacted by strong family relationships, not money. It turns out that while money can be a major stressor in everyday life, healthy family support can counteract that stress. When Your Family Relationships Are Great Some of us have had a strong family since day one, and this is something to be celebrated . . . A LOT. I challenge you to take advantage of every single opportunity you have to tell your family that they’re important to you. Cards, silly notes, homemade cupcakes, even a funny e-mail to the group can make your family feel closer and more appreciated. These types of small yet frequent reminders enrich the value each of your family member’s can place on the unit as a while. Here are some quick ways to strengthen family bonds: Renew Traditions: Use heirloom plates for the holidays, or assign one person the same role each year (e.g., my Mom always makes traditional Polish borscht for Christmas Eve. No matter where we celebrate, and no matter who does the cooking, she always prepares this dish, and we always expect to have it.) Discuss traditions, talk about old cousin-so-and-so, and reminisce. These easy going conversations form the storyline for your family, and this story is one you will tell your children, or your new family. Practice Gratitude: Take time to just hang out, and let it be known that your family is great to hang out with. Whether you go to the zoo together, play games every Sunday night, or go the movies as a group once a month, it is important to establish set times to be together. This allows bonds to remain strong without anyone having to step out of their routine to reach out. And when you’re together, express how great is it to be together. Again, this type of gratitude breeds value among your family! Let everyone know that what you’ve got going is really, really special! When Your Family Relationships Are Not So Great Some of us have biological families that we are not close with, and we are often conflicted as to what to do about these relationships. We may also feel isolated and not as connected with others as we’d like to be. We may even find ourselves envying those with a close knit family. While this is understandable, know that it is possible to reap the benefits of a close knit family without actually being a blood relative. Ways to create family relationships: Recognize That You May Need To Create A New Family You may have not been born into the closest of biological families. It is important to be aware of the way your family affects you. If you feel worse, not better, after spending time with your biological family, take some time to think about that. How long do you want to go on feeling this way with them? Your time may be better spent seeking out relationships with people who share your moral, ethical, and spiritual outlook on the world. These people may indeed be the family you were always looking for. Reach out. Do you know what you’re about? Do have a sense of your personal value, and do those values play out in your hobbies and other personal pursuits? If this makes you say, “I don’t have any hobbies,” then get some and soon. The way to make new relationships is by reaching out. Waving your lonely flag in your apartment won’t help. Sign up for those tennis or cooking lessons that you read about in your community college course catalogue. Chances are good that the people with whom you share the same interests will become your new friends. Start Traditions. An easy way to develop strong, family-like bonds is to set up traditions. Traditions don’t need to come from anywhere-we get to make them up. It’s true! If you are hesitant to establish something as formal as Easter Sunday brunch or Christmas Eve dinner, then start with a fun holiday. St. Patrick’s Day Potluck! Super Bowl Sunday Party! Invite folks from your office, ask any of your kid’s parents that seem nice, and your neighbors. You never know who you may be one event from developing a deeper relationship with. Go for it! What have you got to lose? Only the opportunity to develop long-lasting, satisfying relationships. And if they say no, let them off the hook easy, “No problem, Jane, we look forward to seeing you next year!” The precedent has been set. You have officially started a tradition! Overall, make it a goal to have at least one person in your life that you share a strong, honest bond with. If you don’t feel like you have that right now, that’s okay. Tomorrow can be the day in which you make a small step to say hello to someone, or spark up a conversation with someone you only sort of know. The family you want is out there, if only you go out and find it!

2010-02-04T22:59:33Z

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Loving Family: How to Build and Maintain Relationships That Will Get You through Anything